if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
