this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
