its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
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