I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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