sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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