just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
