no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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