I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
