What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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