YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
