if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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