At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
