so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
