The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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