its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
