I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
