True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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