i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
