My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
