shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
