So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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