So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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