There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
