fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
the day after is always just damage control
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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