I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
