I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
