Christians are straight up FREAKS
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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