If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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