haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
