I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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