i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
