I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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