Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
