these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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