every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
This house was built for laser tag.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
