i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
