Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
