Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
