i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
