Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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