got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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