when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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