ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
