Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
