I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
