I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
