im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
