you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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