Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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