I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
this is an emotional support booty call
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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